Thought This Was Really Cool

Look at this article I found about language. It's pretty interesting to read.

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English Language Is Full of Fun Stuff
By Joyce Minor Highlands Today
Published: July 12, 2009

I'm fascinated by words and how we use them, especially colloquialisms. We say them all the time. They're those overused multi-word expressions that convey an idea or a feeling so well we immediately understand. Some are so familiar and timeworn we forget that, if taken literally, they make no sense at all, like:By the skin of her teeth, Cooling his heels, Cat's got your tongue, Flying by the seat of their pants.

So I'd like to put a bug in your ear about something that just has me rolling in the aisles. It's been a month of Sundays since I heard it through the grapevine but if I don't dish the dirt on this soon I'll be beside myself.

One day when it was raining cats and dogs, my best bud stuck her foot in her mouth and spilled the beans about her main squeeze. She's always had loose lips but this time she really talked my arm off about her sugar daddy.

It seems he'd had his nose to the grindstone for months till he finally popped a cork and went on the lam from work. He hot-footed it to the local watering hole and really tied one on. In two shakes of a lamb's tail he wound up three sheets to the wind. I mean drunk as a skunk.
The next thing you know, someone ticked him off and like a bull in a china shop he wiped the floor with the guy – totally cleaned his clock. Of course, he didn't know the guy from a hole in the wall, but it turns out the guy was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and is all but joined at the hip with the son of Sugar Daddy's boss.

Are you getting the big picture here?

At this point in time, I'm about to blow off the whole shootin' match cause I just can't quite get my arms around this walk in the park. But my girlfriend is becoming a real basket case over the whole can of worms. So even though it sounds all out of whack, I let her rattle on bending my ear with this cock and bull story.

Well, to make a long story short, Sugar Daddy finds his heart in his mouth when he sees what a pickle he's in. So he grabs his cell phone and calls his flavor of the month (my friend) and starts crying in his beer about how he's going to be toast if she doesn't hustle her bustle over there and help him put some lipstick on the pig before the police throw him in the pokey.

Now, I have to admit, she's a little wet behind the ears, otherwise she would have known that he was feeding her a line. But no, she swallows it hook, line and sinker. She throws caution to the wind and lays rubber all the way across town to rescue a drunk who's dumber than a stump.
When she walked in the bar, the victim was still out cold and she actually thought he had kicked the bucket – you know, bought the farm. But she got him on his feet and paid through the nose for a cab to take him home. Then she and Sugar Daddy took a powder before the cavalry arrived.

But here's the icing on the cake. The next day, Sugar Daddy hands my friend the green weenie! That's right. He says he needs some space, wants to consider his options, and thinks they should cool it.

Well, I tried to soft peddle it for my friend's sake, but she really kissed the pooch on this one. I should have just put my cards on the table and told her that's what happens when you wear your heart on your sleeve. So put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Oh well, that's how the cookie crumbles.